Tuesday, February 23, 2016


this picture is not great, and there are better ones out there. here, my lifelong "stuffed friend" quizzy the woggin is overseeing the original version of this modern masterpiece. (even more) pointless side note: my second grade teacher gave me quizzy after i broke my femur bicycling around my folks' cul-de-sac, trying to avoid some annoying girl. yes, he is technically an owl. he is also one of the subjects of my unfinished original novel "real mature," which is now a short film featuring adrienne barbeau (the fog, swamp thing) and the music of subrosa, and that film has nothing at all to do with sentient stuffed owls later redubbed "woggins" by stupid, friendless brats with broken femurs. i'm being way too willfully tangential and seriously obliterating the very little cred i have, so let me take this moment to point out that my parents also got me shockwave after said leg-breaking. and, i don't sleep with the woggin. he just hangs next to the amp my wife got me that i'm too lazy to learn how to use.

anyway, "dtv" is my favorite creative undertaking ever, and i greedily wish it got bigger. not for me, but for the fourteen extreme music artists on the original soundtrack who selflessly committed time, energy and thought to action movie covers and bizarre originals. all of what i just wrote will hopefully make more sense when you read the synopsis, immortalized on the "second pressing" amazon version:

In the mid-1990s, Burke Knox and Pierre-Georges Philippe were second only to Arnold and Sly on the action hero food chain. Today, they’re bloated punchlines pushing 50. Surviving an onslaught of personal and professional lows, the former rivals strike up an unlikely friendship. When a mysterious opportunity for a joint comeback arises, there are only three things for Burke and Pi-Gi to do: roundhouse fate in the jaw, bend its elbow 90 degrees the wrong way, and bring the pain Direct to Video.

david hall from handshake, inc. spent way too much money generously releasing the original, which you see in this photo (paperback in old-school clamshell case), and adam hunt of graf orlock (one of the most inspired, hilarious visual artists i've ever met) did all the art. the soundtrack, which rules so hard, can be found here. we actually had a release party for this at my beloved corner bar, 12 steps down, with arm wrestling and an action-specific cocktail menu again designed by my friend amanda. hate to be needy (this whole enterprise is needy), but if you like "dtv," please drop me a line. i really want to convince somebody to do a reprint. if only for all the crazy talent involved that, to this day, i feel like i let down.

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